I Should Not Have To Defend My Bisexuality

I Should Not Have To Defend My Bisexuality
26/06/2017 Alisha Collins

Every time someone has asked me the dreaded question about my sexual orientation, I sigh then mentally prepare myself for the backlash. I remember being at in the smoking area at a popular LGBT+ event and everyone was talking and having a great time but then the dreaded question came up and I really had to stop and think about what I was going to say. I thought to myself, “why should I pretend to be something I am not”. I hesitantly answered and said I was bisexual. Can you imagine that this is meant to be a safe space for all members of the LGBT+ community and that’s the bullshit I have to put up with? I have always known that there were negative views towards being bisexual so I should have been more aware of the fact that sly comments were going to be made.

People often suggest that I sleep around and make jokes about the ‘confusion’ I have within myself. If I’m honest I feel betrayed by the LGBT+ community on some level. In my personal experience, I have rarely been around people that have defended bisexuality, they might not join in with the disrespect towards bisexuals but saying and doing nothing is an acceptance of ignorance.  I’m stuck because I am part of that same community and for the most part I do feel proud of how far we have come and that during bad times we can truly unite and be strong but this betrayal, that I feel, is hard to deal with. But ultimately, I have to remember not everyone within the LGBT+ community has this kind of ignorance within them and not to allow a small majority of people to have such a profound effect.

When I am in a social situation I put up a barrier up in my mind and always expect the worst so when it happens, it’s just another day in paradise. When I was, single I had to accept quite quickly that I wasn’t going to be taken seriously;y by some lesbians and for them I would be a conquest, and then it would be time for them to move on. Anytime I could feel that happening I would just remove myself from the situation. When I look back that might not have been the case, but from previous situations where I had felt attacked for my sexuality, I got defensive. I became untrusting, which is sad really, I allowed ignorance to affect me.

Then I met my now current partner of two years, and something began to change I started to be who I was when I first came out when I was running around from club to club being free and open. When I told, her I was bisexual, it was like ‘ok cool’. To be honest, by such a casual response I was confused by it. I kept thinking “hmmm when is it going to be an issue”, because of what happened previously. But to this day, never once has my bisexuality been an issue or a problem or a reason something good bad or in different has happened within our relationship. 

As a bisexual, something interesting that I found was the fact I being in a two-year relationship ‘validated’ my ‘gayness’. Before my relationship, people thought I was ‘experimenting’ and testing the waters, but now people say ‘oh well you are gay, why don’t you just say you’re a lesbian?’ Identifying as bisexual, I’m never going to win, that’s the unfortunate truth for me. But in reality, I have already won, with an amazing accepting partner, with friends and family that support me, even though they still don’t get it. People in my life don’t need to I get it because I understand who I am and that’s more than enough for me.

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